Gone in a flash

3 months. 3 months of self reflection and what-nots. After those 3 months, I would love to think that I am back, better than ever. But am I?

Walking in there today, I tried to be a little bit more positive, a little bit more chirpy, a little bit more of me but I don't think it worked that much. Because the emo side of me is the stronger one now, and banishing it with a ray of sunshine is not as easy as it sounds.

Where is the happy-go-lucky person that dominated my personality not too long ago? The person that was popular and everyone wanted to be friends with? Where is the key to unlock that jail cell to release back into the world?

How can 2 years be so life-changing? How can 2 years make me retreat so far into myself that all that's left is just a shell with no emotions whatsoever.

I guess 3 months is not as long as it seems. 3 months of self-reflecting has left me with even more questions about myself. And I know that once I find answers to my questions, I will be me again. But the dark side has taken over for now, thus I am still looking for that little spot of ray that will guide me through this mess.

3 months gone in a flash. Instead of 2 steps forward, I have taken 3 back.

till next time,
still troubled

God, are you there?

Okay, shifting to a more serious note :religion. Now, not to say I'm an agnostic or whatever but I don't particularly think of God often. So for me, God is God is God. Every religion has their own God but for me, I think that there is only one God taking many forms so people from different backgrounds can all believe in something.

My parents, in particular, my dad always say that a person must fulfill their so-called spiritual obligation but I don't know if I have one. I never knew what to do when faced with praying. Like today, for example. The whole family had to go *a place to worship*

to take care of some 'spiritual obligation' but when it was my turn, my mind just went blank. I mean, I did all the necessary rituals but I just did not know what to say to God.

Well, God, if you are out there somewhere, I think I need some guidance or signs to show me you are there, so I can finally accept and have faith in you.

till next time,

still troubled.

about me....

Pessimistic

Introvert

Snobbish

Smug

Short-fused

Bad-tempered

Some of the words that have been used to define me by various people. Some close, some practically strangers. There has to be some truth in it if everyone is saying the same thing. So many words to describe me, so negatively. I must seriously be troubled because I have never heard all those words strung together to become a sentence to describe someone. And when that someone is me...ummmm...what can I say?

I guess all I can say is, that now, you know a little more about me than I know myself. But hey, who cares, right?

till next time,
still troubled